Nightmares & Night Terrors: What’s the Difference & How to Support Your Child
Has your child been waking up in the middle of the night distressed and clearly upset?
When children enter toddlerhood, many parents wonder “Is my child having a nightmare?” or “Is my child experiencing night terrors?” What’s the difference and how should we support them?!
Not only are there key differences between what a nightmare and night terror actually is, but there are also important differences in how to respond to and support your child depending on which one your child is experiencing. Let’s take a look at what these differences are, how we can work through them, and how we can limit these scary moments in the future!
What is a Nightmare?
Nightmares are bad dreams that occur during REM sleep, the final, “deep sleep” stage of our sleep cycle, and are often accompanied by feelings of fear, distress, or anxiety. Because REM sleep is more prevalent during the middle of the night to early morning hours, this tends to be when most children experience nightmares.
When your child is having a nightmare, they will be fully coherent, upset, and likely crying. Here are a few signs to look out for if you suspect your child is having a nightmare:
Signs of a nightmare:
Waking during the night crying or upset
Waking several hours after bedtime or in the early morning hours
Coherent and awake
Explains what they were dreaming about or something that “happened” (that is clearly a dream)
Expresses fear of going back to sleep
Asking for extra comforts
Your child is over 18 months
How to support my child after a nightmare
Nightmares are scary and jarring! When they occur, children need the support of a parent or caregiver to help them through it.
We always want our kiddo to know that we hear them and know that it is scary, while also encouraging confidence when it comes to going back to sleep.
Let’s take a look at how we can support them when they have woken from a nightmare.
What to do in the moment when your child has a nightmare
Go right to them. I know you know the difference between that slow whining cry and the scary, all of a sudden scream for “Mama!” or just an intense bursting cry. You know your child best and when something is clearly wrong, do not wait a few minutes to see if they just need a second to resettle. Go to them (or, maybe they have come to you) right away.
Give them comfort. Bad dreams are scary! Make sure you give them a big cuddle, back rubs, hand holding, kisses, snuggles, whatever your child needs to calm down from the jarring wake up. Be a calming presence for them and offer what they need in that moment.
Turn a light on. I know, this sounds like the exact opposite of what you want to do for a middle of the night wake up, but turning on a small lamp will, quite literally, lighten up the situation. Turning the light on will help calm them and bring them back to reality a little bit.
Ask them about what happened. A simple “What happened?” or “What did you see?” is all you need here. It is likely your child will explain that something “happened” or what they “saw” and even more likely that they will bring up imagery that they were taking in during the day. Asking them about what happened will help them work through the tough moment and remind them that you are here for them and care deeply about what they are going through. You don’t have to have a full on conversation about it, but do listen to them and don’t shut them or their feelings down!
Offer reassurance and empathy. After they have explained what the dream was about, reflect back and remind them that they are safe. You don’t want to have a long, in depth conversation in the middle of the night, but reassuring them that you heard them and that they are safe will help them feel more confident in going back to sleep. This can look like: “That sounds like a really scary dream, Chloe. I know how scary those dreams can feel. I am here now and you are safe. Would you like some back rubs?”
Help them back to sleep. Your child may be perfectly content with the conversation and go back to sleep on their own, but it is incredibly likely that they will need some extra comforts from you. Whether they need a back rub to help them settle, or are overstimulated by physical touch and just need your presence in a chair in the room, offer whatever is going to help your child fall asleep while feeling loved and safe.
How to prevent nightmares in the future
Limiting screen time
Screens have been shown to block the release of melatonin, the sleep hormone that helps regulate our sleep cycles. Turning off TVs and other screens 1-2 hours before bedtime will help your child’s natural production of melatonin. Another reason I suggest limiting screen time before bed (and monitoring what and how much your children are watching during the day) is because, during REM sleep, we are actively sorting through all of the images and activities that have happened throughout the day. So, it makes sense that if your child saw something that may have been a little spooky, that those images may begin to pop up in dreams. Limiting and monitoring the media your child is consuming can greatly help limit the nightmares they experience.
Assess your child’s sleep space
Turn off the lights and look around your child’s sleep space. Is there a photo on the wall that looks scary in the dark? Does the basket of stuffies in the corner look strange? Is the street lamp shining right through the curtains? Make any necessary changes here so that your child feels as safe and cozy as possible.
Fear of the dark can also occur during toddlerhood. If you suspect that your child might be afraid of the dark, you can consider adding a small nightlight. If you do choose to go this route, make sure you are choosing a light that not blue or white light (which can suppress that important melatonin release), but opt for a red light. My favorite nightlight is also a sound machine and toddler clock! You can find it here!
Make sure the sleep space is dark (with the exception of a nightlight if necessary), my favorite blackout solutions include the Slumberpod and Sleepout Curtains (both of which are portable!).
Offer an earlier bedtime
Nightmares can happen more regularly when children are overtired. If your child is having nightmares more frequently, it is important to check for overtiredness! If your child is crashing to sleep within a few minutes of laying down, this is a telltale sign that they need an earlier bedtime! If you suspect that your child is overtired, try offering bedtime about 10-15 minutes early. It should be taking your kiddo between 10-20 minutes to fall asleep on their own, leading to more restful and rejuvenating sleep for them!
Talk it out
Having a conversation during a neutral time (i.e. not during or right before bedtime) about your child’s dream from the night prior can help ease the fears and remind them that it is only a dream. You can even draw pictures together showing what was happening in their dream to help them process it!
What is a Night Terror?
While almost everyone has experienced a nightmare at one point or another, night terrors are much different. When your child is experiencing a night terror, they are likely going to suddenly sit up right and start shouting. You also may notice that their heart rate is up, skin is flushed, they are breathing heavily, sweating, kicking, or flailing.
They are clearly in distress, but the key difference here is that they are NOT going to respond to your efforts to console them!
When your child is experiencing a night terror, they are not alert. They will not wake up or respond to your comforts. Sometimes, consoling and trying to wake them can actually make the night terror more distressful, so it is important to remember to limit your comforting here (I know, this is the hardest part!).
Night terrors are much less common than nightmares, but they disproportionately affect young children more so than adults. In addition, night terrors primarily affect children between the ages of 4 and 12. However, children as young as 18 months have been known to show signs of night terrors.
Signs of a night terror:
Crying or screaming
Kicking, flailing or thrashing
Flushed skin
Heavy breathing
Rapid heart rate
Sweating
Not responding to comforts or grows more aggressive
How to support my child through a night terror:
Honestly (and I know that this is so frustrating), there is really very little we can do when your child is actively experiencing a night terror. Remember, children WILL NOT respond to comfort and consoling during a night terror. The best way we can support them is by physically being present and making sure that they are physically safe. They will eventually work through it and fall back to sleep on their own.
So, while there isn’t a whole lot we can do DURING a night terror, we can work toward preventing them in the future!
How to prevent night terrors in the future:
Offer an earlier bedtime
One thing that I often see with children experiencing night terrors is that they are going to bed OVERtired. Putting your child to bed when they are overtired will often result in more restless sleep, frequent night wakings, and (you guessed it) can even bring on night terrors. Setting an appropriate bedtime for your child (usually between 7:00-8:00pm depending on your child’s individual sleep needs) can help. You can find your child’s ideal bedtime by shifting their routine by 10-15 minutes each night until you find their sweet spot.
Create and follow a consistent bedtime routine
Having a consistent bedtime routine that lasts between 15-30 minutes by the time you are out of the bath is crucial for healthy sleep! I have seen a world of difference in my client’s sleep patterns after they instill a regular bedtime routine that works for their child. I also believe that the consistency of the routine significantly eases stress and anxiety before bedtime, which can also help reduce the frequency of night terrors.
Practice a calming mindfulness activity before bed
Night terrors can often be brought on by stress. Practicing a calming, mindful activity before bed can help ease your child’s running mind and induce more restful, rejuvenating sleep. You might choose to practice yoga together or do some stretching and breathing exercises. You can even introduce mindful meditation using the Zenimal, a screen-free sound machine that offers guided meditations for kids!
Practice a simple morning routine with affirmations
Just as a consistent bedtime routine can help ease anxieties before sleep, a simple morning routine can offer comfort and reassurance for many children during the day. One of my favorite ways to start the day is by beginning with morning affirmations. Maybe you say the same couple of affirmations to your kiddo every day or perhaps you have affirmation cards that they choose from every morning. However you choose to remind your child that they are loved, safe, and unique, make it a habit every single day!
Key takeaways
Now that you know the key differences between nightmares and night terrors, you can help your child through those tough nighttime moments in the most productive way possible! Not only do you now have the tools to support them at night, but you can now implement some daytime strategies to help prevent these scary moments in the future!
Sweet Dreams,
♡Rhaine
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